Fizwiz At Last
by Fallon M-mm
Summary: Lara embarks on a perilous quest to the 13th Floor for a daring retrieval of a Fizwiz cola from that snazzy drink machine.


**_Fizwiz_ **At Last

_General note: I am positively thrilled to write for a fanfic category that already has about 1000 fics and that will not distinguish this one in any way whatsoever, but that it will likely be generally overlooked, due to my habit of choosing dull titles. Anyway, please read and enjoy if you find this._

_General note #2: I am also positively thrilled to bring you this unmapped fanfic of a game I haven't yet beaten. If anything is inaccurate, let that be your explanation, unless it is to fit _my_ purposes for this story._

Lara Croft, back in black jumpsuit and braid, soared into the building on the 13th floor. Using her mysterious talents, she disposed of her hang-glider, and thus, proceeded on her way.

Armed with HK gun and headset, Lara fearlessly stalked the ducts. Zip babbled aimlessly in her ear, futilely trying to break her adrenaline surge. Still, Lara walked on.

After an hour of haunting the ducts and edgily dodging lasers, Lara proceeded to a room on the end of the hall. She extracted a small hammer from her backpack of infinite space, and CRACK! She brought it down on the latch of the door, severing it from the hook. Lara pocketed the hammer. The door swung open.

Lara stepped into a dim room and drew her HK gun, adjusting the setting to sniper. From her quick scan of the room, it appeared to be fairly austere. No one was inside, except her. Directly a head was a cool-looking ladder. Above her head a laser hummed by. _I just _ love _those things,_ she thought. She replaced her gun and proceeded to explore.

At the back wall, just behind the ladder was a ledge. She jumped up to it to discover a medi-pack. She took it, grateful of the discovery. _After all my years in the field, _she thought, _ I have never managed to discover who the hell leaves these things for me._ Putting the question aside once again, Lara approached the ladder. She jumped and grabbed onto a rung. As soon as the laser was above her head and heading to the left, she began to climb. She pulled herself onto the ledge and surveyed her new vicinity.

_What to do from here…_

She pulled out her gun and spun around to a suspicious-looking wall, blasting off a single shot. _Ah-hah. _ She shoved her gun into place and ran forward, leaping and grabbing the edge. She pulled herself up. To the left was a wall. With some lovely clip in front of it. She picked them up, giving them a quick kiss as she did.

"Food for my darling," she muttered. Then she spoke more loudly. "Zip," she said into her headset.

"I'm with yuh, babe," he said.

"We close to target?"

"So close it's not _funny."_

"Alright then, "she breathed. "Let's do this." Drawing her arm, she stepped forward toward a crawl-sized opening at the other end of the duct. About three paces from it, a familiar percussion rhythm resounded throughout the area.

"That seems to happen a lot here," she murmured.

An armored guard strolled past her line of fire. She took quick and careful aim and let off three shots. All the expression she allowed herself was a tight smile. "Not far now."

She returned the HK gun to her back and knelt in front of the opening.

"I'm going in," she said to Zip.

"You be careful now," Zip warned. "From my screen it looks like that machine is _surrounded_ by lasers."

"Don't worry about me." And with that, she slipped in.

Her new surroundings were deceivingly pleasant: A computer and a map of the building were at one end of the room, above which was a grate. To here right, on the opposite wall of the narrow hallway, was a crawl-sized grate. Beyond that to here right was her target: The Holy _Fizwiz_ Machine.

"Zip," Lara breathed, "I think our mission is about to come to an end." She extracted from her infinite backpack an American quarter. "This should do the trick."

"You got it, baby," said Zip. "Good going, girl."

Lara stepped up to the machine and inserted the coin. But--"God damn it!" she muttered. The power in the room was turned off. "I'm going to have to find the breaker. Zip? Might you have any remote idea about where they normally put these things?"

"By my calculations, all you need to do is give that grate right behind you a good zap and crawl right on through there, Then there'll be bullet-proofed room right ahead. Ya gotta go there and be mindful not to wake up the guard. His security pass'll right by his computer. Just grab it and go. The door where the breaker is is right behind him. You go for it, girl."

"Understood." Lara did a 180 and drew her HK, zapping the grate right behind her. "This won't take too long." She ran toward, ducking at the last minute as she hooked on her gun. She crawled forward, into the dark unknown. At a turn, she picked up a large med, truly appreciating all her secret admirers. She continued forward.

"Zip, there's another grate. You're my eyes, till I get out there."

"Just blast it and _go_. Right in front there'll be a map of Floor 13, and to your right the bulletproof office. Just blast it'n go."

Lara did just that. Quietly, she stalked toward the bulletproof glass, ignoring her ominous reflection. She stepped into the office, mindful of the gun turret and the sleeping guard. She tip-toed her way past him, and quickly snatched the security pass off his desk.

"I've got it."

"Rock on, chick," Zip encouraged.

Lara turned to the back wall and slid the pass in the scanner. The light blinked on, and the door opened. Lara entered, almost instantly noticing a breaker placed high on the wall. She first ravaged the shelves in the room, almost instantly finding another quarter.

"How nice," she muttered.

Then she walked to the place on the wall, just under the breaker. She pulled out the security pass and jumped, grabbing onto the breaker itself. She scanned the card on the box next to it, illuminating a green light. She pulled the switch.

"Got it!"

"Great going. Now get back to that machine," said Zip.

"Will do."

Yet her exit was slightly more dramatic that planned. As she pushed down the breaker, its squeak had awakened the sleeping guard. Lara was surprised to look out and see him stretch, reaching for his gun. However, she got to hers first. As he turned in her direction, Lara let loose a single shot to his head. Her foe toppled forward, dead instantly. She delicately blew the smoke from the muzzle of her HK.

"Easy."

"Was that _gunfire_ I heard, Lara?"

She smiled. "No, Zip, only some light child's play. I have a Fizwiz to get." Curiously, she watched the body blink and then disappear. "I will never understand that." But undaunted, she left the room.

Returning to the main hall, Lara approached the machine. She inserted to quarter from the store room, well as two others she'd brought. She pressed a button and listened as three lovely clunks of a drink can hit the bottom of the machine.

"I've got us all our Fizwiz," she said.

Zip was speechless. All he could manage were the words," Fizwiz at last, Fizwiz at last… Dude, thank God almighty I can Fizwiz at last."

Lara carefully wrapped each precious can in bubble wrap and stored them in her infinite backpack. Hence, she proceeded to the egress, where she journeyed to the other end of the earth, to Le Serpent Rouge, where she, Zip, and Daniel Rennes all sipped their Fizwizzes and grooved to the sound of some snazzy music.

_Fizwiz at last,_

_Fizwiz at last._

_Thank God almighty _

_I can Fizwiz at last._

Gneral note #3: This "Fizwiz at last" thing is not meant to be derogatory in any way. I simply saw my opportunity. It is not meant to be mean or racist at all. On the contrary, I think M.L. King was very brilliant and extremely noble. I mean no harsh conveyances by this.


End file.
